Where did the summer go? As Taylor Swift said in her latest album Folklore "August slipped away like a bottle of wine." The idea of time has shifted during these uncertain times. The moon still rises and falls, but the time spent has differed. I now have a new found respect for time. Loss can do that, make you aware of things you never paid attention to. The Loss that I'm referring to is the loss of Black Lives. Tears are shed daily even when I least expect them to, and social media is not a friend to my emotions. People like Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Chadwick Boseman, Kobe Bryant and many more. Are all lives gone too soon. And it makes me wonder. What am I doing? Am I doing what I want to do? Am I happy?
I caught myself doing things to make other people happy. Now this is not a bad thing, but if you are focusing on pleasing everyone 24/7 then what are you doing for yourself? Have you ever found yourself smiling instead of crying because you think you'll inconvenience someone with your feelings? Well, I have. And let me tell you, it's awful. I realized that I need to take time for ME. I can't just hide my feelings from people, I need to be myself. It wasn't something that happened over night. I had to constantly affirm myself in the mirror, set goals, and surround myself by like minded people who wanted to support me. I'm not done discovering who I am but I am having a fun time figuring it out.
I had to recognize that I can't look for people to give me happiness. I have to create that for myself. Writing poetry makes me happy so I write. I allow myself to have time to be free. If I'm in the mood for some brownies.... I bake them. Life is to short to not have brownies! Honestly, when time has no meaning, and societal expectations of you fade away, what are you left with? And are you happy with that?